Thursday, August 26, 2010

Deuces! It May Be Time To Stop Dating

Dating:: It's what you do before getting into an exclusive relationship with someone. It can be an enjoyable experience. After all, you get the opportunity to go new places and even meet new people. Some people even look at dating as practice, so when "the one" comes along, they'll know how to handle certain situations. This makes me thinks of one of my favorite quotes, "I don't date, I audition life partners." Regine, Living Single
But more importantly, you discover what you like and do not like in the opposite sex. Dating isn't always peaches and cream, but there should always be a lesson learned. There may come a time when you can't quite decide if you should keep seeing someone or just go ahead and chuck up the relationship as a loss. Well here are 5 situations that may leave you shooting someone the deuces...

Disclaimer: I'm am not, nor do I claim to be a relationship expert (not sure that sentence is grammatically correct). Just things I've experienced, observed or heard about

1. Does this person have time for you?

One must understand that the person you are dating had a life before you (hopefully), so that may mean that they have other obligations and they just can't drop what they've signed up for just because you've come into the picture. He may spend time with his daughter every Saturday and Sunday. She may teach a pilates class at 7 on Wednesday evenings, the one time you are free.

The thing is, there has to be a compromise. A time when you all actually see each other and not just talk over the phone. If you can't seem to ever meet up with this person, yet you see pictures of them out having a good time on Facebook, it may be time to evaluate the situation.

Now before you do that, get a clear understanding of this person and their schedule. You don't want to write someone off because you can't get your way and see them when you want to. If you truly feel you are being pushed to the back burner then it may be time to stop dating...if you all ever really started. Try to actually set a date by selecting a day, location, and time. See if they flake out at the last moment. If they do flake out repeatedly (or the first time depending on your tolerance level) deuces!

2. Does this person call or just text you?

It's simple: Are you getting to know this person through text messages like, "So where are you from?" and "How long was your longest relationship?" smh It is not difficult to call a person on the phone or go out and ask these questions face to face. Oh how technology has ruined actual dating.

Your first step should be to tell the person that you would prefer to get to know them better but not through a text message. It may not be their fault. The last person they talked to may have allowed or ever preferred this method. But if you don't, speak up and let them know. They should be understanding and willing to switch it up. But if you still just cannot get this person on the phone ever...or see them ever....deuces!

3. Are you all having sex?

Another simple one: If the only thing you all do is meet up at the house and have may not be dating. You're probably just fucking. If she doesn't care about your hobbies or what you do for a living...sorry dude, she just wants her dose of Vitamin D!

4. Have you met any of their friends?

Now, this one can be time sensitive and may not occur until further down the road. It's just a matter of preference. Some females don't bring men around some of their friends because they know how their girls will ask the guy 21 questions or try to sleep with their man. (yea those "friends" exist). Men may not bring girls around for the same reasons. If you feel you are their little secret and no one knows about you...ask! If they tell you they really don't want you to meet their friends (I've heard a story of this before) then deuces!

5. Are you all adding value to each others lives?

This is the most important thing you should think about when dating someone. What are they doing for you? What are you doing for them? Are they adding something to your life that you may have been lacking? When you envision the person you want to be with, what do you see? Two examples:

  • supportive- do they support or help you when you tell tell them about the things you are interested in learning or getting into?

  • goals- do they have reachable goals that are cohesive with yours?
Women, do you respect this man as the man? Does he have the qualities to be a good provider and leader? (if that's what you want) Men, is she the type you can bring around your family? Does she motivate you? If the answer to most of these questions is no...Deuces!

I want to add that I think it's fine to date...just to date but if you are really looking for something long term, you may want to look beyond the persons looks and wallet. Be happy with the person you are dating. And if you aren't...

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


I've decided to honor the memory of Aaliyah by allowing my iPod to only shuffle her tracks around today.

The style--hair--hip roll--voice--attitude were all the things that made Aaliyah uniquely Aaliyah. I am actually a firm believer that if she were still alive, Beyonce would just now be reaching the highs of her career and Ciara would be about as important as Cassie.

Aaliyah had the ability to hold men and women's attention just the same. Women wanted to emulate her and men wanted to make her their wife. She was gorgeous and talented without all the glamorous effects that it takes for some of our stars.

I remember going to 9th grade, telling my stylist, "I'm in high school now. So I want my hair cut just like Aaliyah." I would sit in the mirror and try to roll my hips to beats just like she did. sigh Things wouldn't be the same if she were still alive...that I know.

My Top 5 Favorite Aaliyah Tracks:

  1. Miss You

  2. 4 Page Letter

  3. One in a Million

  4. The One I Gave My Heart To

  5. If Your Girl Only Knew

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Let me rant about these cupcakes...

If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I can get pretty serious and sometimes down right ridiculous about my cupcakes. Lets just let it be known that Publix has the best cupcakes ever. And yes, I think they are better than Cami Cakes.

The Publix that I often visit, never seems to have the cupcakes that I want: Vanilla cake with cream cheese frosting. I can't get with that gross whipped kind. So there is one lady in there that will make my cupcakes. But has she been there? Nope!

I called the bakery on Sunday and the lady told me they didn't have any but she would make some for Monday. So I call up there yesterday...and of course there wasn't any. So to catch you up to speed...I did a quick rant on Twitter that went something like this:

About to head to Publix to speak with a manager about these cupcakes...or
lack thereof. via Echofon

This bitch has the nerve to have a attitude because the manager told her to
make my cupcakes. via Echofon

I told the manager I'm not trying to get her in trouble. I'll even call
ahead to let them know I'm coming. via Echofon

The bakery lady didn't even say You're Welcome when I thanked her. #bitchyouchildish
via Echofon

And i STILL got my cupcakes! via Echofon

If they would just keep them stocked up on the shelf, we wouldn't have these issues. Don't make me come up there every time and have to request this.

And yes it's just that serious.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Admissions of a Serial Homewrecker

What married woman doesn't dream of having a perfect monogamous marriage? A marriage full of understanding, commitment, and undying love. While marriages like this exist there are those that only exist within the life of one partner. While the wife is trying everything in her power to commit to and honor the man she married, another woman has stepped in and is doing things to her husband that should remain sacred in a marriage. Basically...there is a woman out there that is and more than willing to fuck your husband.

I know one of these woman. I have known her for a long time and frequently hear about her sexcapades with all types of men. I guess you could say I've grown accustomed to hearing these stories of infidelity and random sex acts with ex's, attached men, pastors, personal trainers and of course married men. With homewreckers/sluts/hoes/bitches or whatever you want to call them coming to light and so many of us asking the same questions, I decided to do a quick interview with her to see her side of things. I'll call her Tiffany, as a way to protect her identity. Although I'm certain she wouldn't care if I revealed her.

Background info:
Tiffany is an African American 30-something self-proclaimed hoe that has been around the block more than a kid just getting off punishment during summer vacation. She works full time and lives alone. Just her and her small terrier. She was once married to a white man. She is the type of woman that simply exudes intense sexual energy. It's not necessarily from her looks, it's in her presence and the things that she says. I have seen her on the prowl first hand, and men do come after her. I'm not sure if it's because she may appear to be an easy lay or if she's using some type of voodoo. Whatever the case, she gets enough vitamin D to last all my girls a lifetime.

The obvious question is why? Why do you sleep with men in relationships and men that are married?

"Because I know they have to go back home, they can't spend the night. I like
my freedom. Relationships have schedules."

So you can't find a single man to do this with?

"No! Men say that want to remain single but later they switch the script and get mad when you go out. They start asking questions. Ding-a-lings get
caught up."

Is there any way you wouldn't mess with an attached man?

"If I'm friends with his wife or if I know her, I won't. If I even see her I loose the excitement"

Do you feel bad?

"Hell naw! I don't loose sleep. I'm not the one cheating on

So you don't feel responsible for it at all?

"He approached me. I just opened the door. I open the door every day. That doesn't mean you're supposed to walk through. And the moment you say 'divorce' I loose interest."

How do you feel about the Fantasia situation?

"I feel bad for Fanny because she didn't know that man wasn't separated.
She really wanted something from it."

Have any of these married men ever tried to lie to you about their situation?

"I ask straight up questions. So the men I've dealt with are open because
I'm open. They wear their rings."

How do they approach the topic of sex? Who brings it up

"Sometimes I do. They make innuendos...beating around the bush. They may
say, 'Would you have sex with a married man?' and I'll tell them 'Yea!' I don't
let them come to my house because I can't come to theirs. I tell them they have
to get a hotel room, which presents a problem sometimes. But when I tell them
forget it then, they always get one."

At this point most of you are probably thinking, "Damn, her karma is going to messed up." But I've known this woman for a long time and I don't think she believes karma will hit her back. Not in this lifetime. She's been married and has no plans of getting into a serious relationship ever again. She enjoys simply playing the field. Now I think that if karma does hit her, it will be in the form of an angry wife with a swinging bat.

I look at Tiffany's sexual activity with married men as something of a convenience and thrill. Something a single man simply cannot provide for her. Is it right? This blogger can't say that it is right. But it's not my lifestyle. There are women and men out there that do this everyday. This (self-proclaimed) hoe just has the balls to talk about it.

A Man and His Pride

Jazmine hit the nail on the head with this song! So appropriate

Point blank period: A man will let his pride get in the way of a good woman! This topic has come up quite a bit recently from a few of my friends...and of course I've experienced it. And all of these pride issues seem to revolve around two issues:

Work and Money which pretty much go hand and hand

The Situation:

Meka had been dating Louis for about 5 months and everything was going great. They talked on the phone everyday and went out maybe once or twice a week. Sometimes they split the check, sometimes he would pay, or sometimes he would reluctantly let her pay. Well one day he neglected to call or text her all day. She texted him but his responses back were very short so she brushed it off, figuring he had a bad day.

A week later, after very little communication, he told her that he'd lost his job last week and that his car was now messed up as well. She told him it was cool and that she'd take him out to help him take his mind off things. She even offered to pick him up. His response was a flat out no.

Meka couldn't understand why this man didn't want her to treat him. It wasn't like they had just met. In fact she felt they were nearing the stages of an exclusive relationship. Eventually his phone calls stopped all together. She was hurt but since he wasn't offering an explanation, she had to move on.

About 2 months later he calls informing her that he got a new job and a new car. It seemed he was ready to jump things back off. But by this time Meka had met someone new. Louis trying to jump back in the picture just made things confusing. She had to really sit and think.

The Solution: Eventually Louis admitted that his pride had gotten in the way and he wanted to get things straight before he continued to see her.

I was talking to a good Twitter buddy of mine and I told him about guy I'm "dating" (whoo a different blog topic LOL) who doesn't have a job.

Me: "I know it can be frustrating to a man if he doesn't have a job so is it
belittling or would it make a man feel awkward or less of a man if I were to
update him on places that were hiring?"

Him: "Yes! It is a pride and ego
thing. it sounds better coming from another dude unless he specifically asks for
your input...crazy I know but that's it unfortunately"

Me: "Sigh. You
men are strange creatures. You'd figure y'all would want help instead of going
at it alone or being broke. Glad I asked though."

Him: "Yep...glad you
did as well"
I guess as women we are nurturing and protecting. A man and his pride will get in the way of that every time, especially when you fail to tell the woman the real issue at hand. A good woman wants to stand by you and will not judge you for what you do or do not have. She wants to help you come up.

But maybe as women, we have to step back and let a man do his thing. It's a tough line that some women may not know whether to cross.

What's a woman/man to do? This topic could go on and on. What have you experienced? Why do you think men act this way? Men what can we as women do when you are in a funk?